The X's in your name make you so XEmoX

Wow, I looked back at my old Xanga account from high school and I can't believe how much time has changed me. I was such a loser!! No wonder I hated high school I was a loser haha, and I mean that in a nice way, I liked who I was...but looking back...I didn't think most people had this revelation until like 10 years later, here it is only like 2 and I can honestly say, I was a dork.

I am glad for the change though, I like who I and even more, the person I am working toward becoming :)

it's amazing to think how different people I am close with are from then and now...I mean, my sister is dating the man she's going to marry, and despite our ups and downs this past year, I love her so much, and I am so happy for her.

Another sister has become a mother...twice!! With two percious little babies being added to our crazy family mix, everyday they teach me something new about life, and push me to be the best person I can be...a person they'd be proud to call "Auntie"

My best friend from high school kind of took a breather due to a falling out...for 2 years!! we did not talk, until a random text from her, in Virgina...in the Navy got the ball rolling again, and a Christmas card I sent brought us back :) She will be a new momma herself too, in January.

I don't know where to go with this blog today, but I feel like with a new season on the rise, saying goodbye to summer friends, and some of my closest moving away, God has some real good plans for me...real good.

Can't read my Smoker Face?

I understand the concept of Heaven and Hell. We live on earth, we makes our choices...and we go where we choose....do you ever wonder where the people you don't know go?
I don't know very many people who've died...well, at least that I've been close to...but when I hear about such a thing, such a loss, and such pain a family and loved ones go through, sometimes I wonder where did they go? What was their heart like? Where did they end up...

Sometimes, I feel like the people who didn't make it are standing next to me, telling me how inportant is it to go in a direction different than their own. I know that sounds bad...Imagining people who didn't make it toward the goal I work toward daily telling me to keep going...but it encourages me in a way...life is about learning from mistakes right? even if they are other peoples...doesn't mean I don't make them too.

And maybe the people who do make it, just get to peep in every once and a while to smile at us...I know the "smiling down" cliche is just that...but maybe we really aren't alone...Wouldn't it be amazing if our world is full of our invisible loved ones, always with us and even though we can't see them or hear them...our love for them in infinite and they follow us around...keepin an eye on us....

or maybe...maybe it's better....Maybe God isn't this giant character I always imagined sitting in heaven on a unicycle...Maybe HE'S the one following us around...when we stop, he stops. When we smile, he smiles...maybe he follows us around, to give us the assurence that he is taking care of the ones we lost, and the ones we love...Afterall, he does have this whole life thing figured out right?

Kick off!

Now that it's officially fall, I remember why I love it so much. It's an easy thing to forget over an entire year, but it always comes back the same. I love the just right weather. The smell, the way a dirt road looks covered with leafs of different colors. It's a wonderful thing. I hope I never become immune to the simple things I love so much. Sometimes it worries me that I'll forget them, like how Christmas isn't the same when you grow up. I think as we grow up we lose ourselves. We take ourselves much more seriously and I am no exception. I understand the concept of growing up, moving forward and taking on more responsibilites, but can we have fun in the process? I think if we stopped and took in the little moments that really mean the most to us, life could be a much more amazing journey.
And with that Kick off fall 2009 with a bang.
And Blog away!
Oh yeah, and this blog is dedicated to ZK. Hutch.